Once upon a time, I was born... in FRENCH!

So, if you know much about France, you know that the French love forms and paperwork. I mean really. Love it. Also, photocopies. And passport photos. And photocopies of passport photos. And passport photos of photocopies. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration. Emphasis on the slight.

Basically I've been buried in paperwork throughout this process, and it'll only get worse upon my arrival en France. (I'm not ACTUALLY complaining because I fully expected it and really, it'll be worth it. It's also part of the whole experience, and I want it all - the whole shebang. Fiches, formulaires, documents, oh my!)

Up front, they tell you that you'll need an original (as in not a copy) birth certificate when you arrive in France in order to enroll in the Sécu (social security)/be some sort of fake temporary citizen (travailleur temporain is what I think it's actually called) and therefore be covered under government insurance.

Okay, sure. Pas de problème. Got it!

However, they also tell you that you MAY need a translated birth certificate, that you can get from a certified translator either here ($$) or in France (€€). They also say you MAY be able to translate it yourself and just use that (obviously not an "official, certified" translation). Some people in the past haven't needed any translation at all. Basically it's just kind of... up in the air. Quelle surprise.

So I decided to try to pass with my own translation, which was then finalized by a friend. (Hollerrrr AE!) It looks pretty fancy, if we do say so ourselves.

Well, here comes the best part. Approximately two weeks after I return from my visa appointment in Houston (where I drove to and from all in one day, if you remember), I get an email from the TAPIF that states that France has decided, tout d'un coup, two things, both of which are problematic in their own unique way.

1) I must pay $15 and send off (to the Texas Secretary of State) for something called an apostille to be affixed to my birth certificate so that I may prove to France it's legit. A little extreme as it's already an original document from the state, but not necessarily problematic at first glance. Except for the fact that I received my apostilled birth certificate in the mail a few days ago, and, despite filling out the paperwork clearly, it was issued for use in Mexico (as in NOT France). Gracias, Tejas. One more thing that will now be more complicated than necessary. ¡Que fantástico!

Sassy Katy wants to include the following helpful guide I made
to aid in the selection of the correct country:

(Practical Katy actually wants to get her French apostille... 

so in reality I just included some helpful Post-it Notes.)

2) I MUST have an official translation from a certified translator and it MUST be stamped by the French consulate. (Yes. The one in HOUSTON.) Also, they state that the consulate may or may not agree to stamp it, as some of them do not perform that service.

Ummmmm. What?! Sooooo... you'd like me to drive another 9 hours, spend an outrageous amount of gas money, all to ask for a stamp I may or may not receive? Let me see... I think not. Non merci, I will not be partaking in this risky little exercise in futility.

My plan, you ask? Well, it's quite simple. I show up in France with my apostilled birth certificate (hopefully that actually says "France" on it) and my translated copy sans stamp and try to convince them that I was, in fact, born. In Uh-murica. It'll go a little something like this: "Mais, Monsieur! Je suis née, je vous promets!" [twirls around to prove existence]

Frankly, I'm feelin' pretty good about this plan. I'm not stressed. However, if at some point in late September, someone in Texas gets a Katy-shaped box in the mail with "par avion," "fragile," and "retour à l'expéditeur" stamps on it... well, this means my plan has failed drastically and France has shipped me back. So open the box up quick, for the love. It's probably hot in there.